I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
