3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
ttyl tear gas
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
