'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
