she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
