Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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