You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
