Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
