We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
