At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
