Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am naked and annoyed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
