was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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