my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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