My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize