fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
