I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
