I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
