Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
