My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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