make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
