ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
