You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
