Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
