i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
