so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
