Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
