I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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