just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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