Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize