I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
