I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
