Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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