he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
