he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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