I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
