I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
