these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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