Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
