my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
