i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want nice things and good sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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