i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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