why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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