Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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