Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
