I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
