it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
