could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
