last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
