C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
