i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
