You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
