I feel great
I just peed on a car
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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