I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The Olympian is in my bed
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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