In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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