come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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