Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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