To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
