the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
