I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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