So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
