I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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