how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
