Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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