Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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