He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
