hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
