It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
