would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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