Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
